You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
