Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize