im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
