I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
