Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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