like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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