How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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