omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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