I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
