Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
