franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
