i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
