cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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