How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
