Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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