based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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