my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
