Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
