i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
