Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
