Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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