WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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