My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
