bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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