omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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