True but thats because hes a fetus.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my sisters under your porch take her home
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
