I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Randomize
