yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
