Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Where is the hickey?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
