he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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