I am puke
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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