so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
