paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
