how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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