he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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