rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
