Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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