I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
