Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
