Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
