real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
