I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Say something about gay babies.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
