Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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