just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
3pm strippers are depressing
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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