eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
