So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
