I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
