some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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