Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
