So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
