it hurts more in the daytime
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
