the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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