My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
