dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
