Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
