I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
