When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My cat gives me a boner
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize