Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
