If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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