He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
as a side note pls kill me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
