Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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