We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
