I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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