The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
