my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
