You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That was before I lit my hair on fire
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
