New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
