in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
