I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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