she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
