How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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