I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
