In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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