I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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