After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
