Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
