Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
