wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
