I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
