I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
