M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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