I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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