You can't special order awesome
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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