Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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