At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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