Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
