I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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