I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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