I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
