I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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