exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
